Hello Kitty Marshmallow Pop
Description. A comparatively faithful rendition of Sanrio’s most ubiquitous character, the Hello Kitty Marshmallow Pop does hit a couple of uncanny-valley snags. Its in-packaging presentation implies that it is composed entirely of Christmas-cookie sprinkles, but this isn’t the cause of the unsettlement; rather, it’s the rodent-y placement of Kitty’s button nose, which never quite succeeds in three dimensions — and the nipple-y placement of Kitty’s shirt buttons.
Speaking of buttons, their texture may startle some consumers; they, and Kitty’s other “features” (her bow, whiskers, et al.), resemble button candy in both diamond hardness and dearth of flavor. Setting them aside for future messages to be written on glass is advised.
Pringles (Pizza)
Description. A standard Pringle masquerading as a case of rosacea, the pizza-flavored Pringle sports an awkwardly randomized coating of what looks like ketchup-chip powder. It is hard to believe that any process could make a Pringle seem more synthetic, as the “chip” is already an artifice-in-processed-food standard-bearer, reconstituted from powdered potatoes into a perfect palate arch, then over-packaged into a space-agey tube. But the tacky stippling of pizzoid flavor dust succeeds.
Nong Shim Shrimp Flavored Cracker (Hot & Spicy)
Description. The world had not clamored, or even whispered shamefully under its covers at night, for a snack that represents the uncomfortable visual union between rotini pasta and magnified rhinovirus, and shares an unnatural orange with the Sea-Monkey-sized sea life that populates a “shrimp” Cup o’ Noodles. Yet said snack exists, presumably in not one but two flavors (the tester retrieved only the “picoso” subspecies).
Packaging/Branding. The depiction of the product on the front is accurate. This honesty is refreshing, but unfortunate, and the photograph resembles a bag of Ore-Ida crinkle fries to a suspicious degree. Other poor choices include the font, a stereotypical karate-school-signage affair; the “0g trans fat” tag (one third of the bag supplies 10% of the RDA of fat overall); and the watercolor shrimp next to the product name. The creature still has legs, antennae, and eyes…and the eyes look terrified.
