Their habitats, markings, and behaviors. On Twitter @RevoltingSnacks.

dynamoe:

Bitch, please.

dynamoe:

Bitch, please.

(Source: law-order-food)

Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos

Description. To what could the nominal burst refer? Not to genuine berry, we can confidently inform you; possibly an “into tears” was stricken from the copy by the marketing department. Or a reference to a dam of Barbie-tinted carcinogens.

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Buffalo Blue Cheese Pretzel Combos

Description. An attempt to shoehorn the experience of Sunday-afternoon football-watching tavern cuisine into a three-quarter-inch tube of dangerously over-salted paste, the Buffalo Blue Cheese Pretzel Combo is surprisingly successful. It is not good, quite, but nor is it the disaster that would seem to be presaged by 1) the choice of pretzel base, the least appealing of the Combo shells in Dr. Bunting’s opinion; or 2) the inevitably doomed effort to replicate any cheese, or “cheese,” more upmarket than government-issue Velveeta.

Again, it is not great, but given the possible — and revolting — alternatives, merely skirting an utter palate catastrophe should be deemed a victory.

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Polar cleavability; amplitude; thermo-expansion and fractile extension.

Hello Kitty Marshmallow Pop

Description. A comparatively faithful rendition of Sanrio’s most ubiquitous character, the Hello Kitty Marshmallow Pop does hit a couple of uncanny-valley snags. Its in-packaging presentation implies that it is composed entirely of Christmas-cookie sprinkles, but this isn’t the cause of the unsettlement; rather, it’s the rodent-y placement of Kitty’s button nose, which never quite succeeds in three dimensions — and the nipple-y placement of Kitty’s shirt buttons.

Speaking of buttons, their texture may startle some consumers; they, and Kitty’s other “features” (her bow, whiskers, et al.), resemble button candy in both diamond hardness and dearth of flavor. Setting them aside for future messages to be written on glass is advised.

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