Buffalo Blue Cheese Pretzel Combos
Description. An attempt to shoehorn the experience of Sunday-afternoon football-watching tavern cuisine into a three-quarter-inch tube of dangerously over-salted paste, the Buffalo Blue Cheese Pretzel Combo is surprisingly successful. It is not good, quite, but nor is it the disaster that would seem to be presaged by 1) the choice of pretzel base, the least appealing of the Combo shells in Dr. Bunting’s opinion; or 2) the inevitably doomed effort to replicate any cheese, or “cheese,” more upmarket than government-issue Velveeta.
Again, it is not great, but given the possible — and revolting — alternatives, merely skirting an utter palate catastrophe should be deemed a victory.
Hello Kitty Marshmallow Pop
Description. A comparatively faithful rendition of Sanrio’s most ubiquitous character, the Hello Kitty Marshmallow Pop does hit a couple of uncanny-valley snags. Its in-packaging presentation implies that it is composed entirely of Christmas-cookie sprinkles, but this isn’t the cause of the unsettlement; rather, it’s the rodent-y placement of Kitty’s button nose, which never quite succeeds in three dimensions — and the nipple-y placement of Kitty’s shirt buttons.
Speaking of buttons, their texture may startle some consumers; they, and Kitty’s other “features” (her bow, whiskers, et al.), resemble button candy in both diamond hardness and dearth of flavor. Setting them aside for future messages to be written on glass is advised.
Pringles (Pizza)
Description. A standard Pringle masquerading as a case of rosacea, the pizza-flavored Pringle sports an awkwardly randomized coating of what looks like ketchup-chip powder. It is hard to believe that any process could make a Pringle seem more synthetic, as the “chip” is already an artifice-in-processed-food standard-bearer, reconstituted from powdered potatoes into a perfect palate arch, then over-packaged into a space-agey tube. But the tacky stippling of pizzoid flavor dust succeeds.
