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Butterscotch Smoothie

Description. Better known for the Mallo Cup, the Boyer Corp. didn’t have a completely terrible idea with the Butterscotch Smoothie, which aims to do for the peanut-butter/scotch pairing what Reese’s did for PB and chocolate.

Whether the pairing succeeds culinarily is almost beside the point, so distasteful is the visual presentation. All the butterscotch hues in the world — beige; caramel; camel — and the Boyer brain-trust selected a mid-aughts-Michael-Kors orange to coat the Smoothie. On top of that, the coating has chunks of peanut (we…hope) mixed into it. Add a crimped paper wrapper, and the whole affair looks like a vomit muffin.

Packaging/Branding. We would strongly suggest retooling the product to match up more closely with what appears on the package, as those Smoothies look reasonably attractive (not to mention, well, smooth). As it is, the label misrepresents everything about the product: the color; the texture; the proportions (and quality) of peanut butter to cup/coating.

Flavor Profile. Surprisingly anemic, given what our tester had braced for. The Smoothie doesn’t have much taste at all, in fact, perhaps because the peanut butter isn’t very good — or perhaps because it’s too good. The Reese’s formula is cheap and oleaginous, but it registers, for good or ill; the Boyer butter is paler and tastes vaguely of corn.

It appears also as though the proportion of butterscotch to PB is nearly 1:1, a vain attempt to get the butterscotch to register against the peanut butter, and one would expect the two tastes to war on the palate. Instead, each one lies inert.

Habitat. The snack drawer at that one classmate who hates chocolate’s house; Tex Avery cartoons.

Field Notes. The lack of flavor is not due to a lack of fat; a two-cup sleeve contains 47% of the RDA of saturated fats.

Revulsion Scale: 7

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