Their habitats, markings, and behaviors. On Twitter @RevoltingSnacks.

Burger Rings

image

Description. Dr. Blankenship toted the Burger Rings all the way from Down Under for testing in the home office. Dr. Bunting The Elder does not eat anything which walked on land, but “happily” for her, Burger Rings do not contain actual burger. (Or rings.) The Rings themselves do not contain any resemblance to their depiction on the packaging. As portrayed, Rings do not look appealing, exactly, but they are sizeable, and reminiscent at least of the pub grub they apparently aim to replicate. In real life, Rings look like Totis, but not as red or suggestive of irradiated Spaghetti-Os.

Packaging/Branding. Misleading, as mentioned above, and also counterintuitive. The color scheme probably wants to evoke a browned patty, with black singe marks, and mustard…but the dusky shades bring to mind a mid-eighties office park at night. Australian package notes and warnings provide some interest, although the “When you’re done, put the pack in the bin!” exhortation is properly read as “Put the pack in the bin; then you’re done.” The back label also disclaims that “average values [are] subject to seasonal variation.” In what season whey powder is at its freshest is not mentioned.

image

Read More

Totis

Totis have several features to recommend them. The spicy-chili-lime-snack concept itself is a strong one, and the Toti is made with more natural-sounding ingredients than we had anticipated, given the lurid Bram Stokerish coloring of the snack rings. The flavoring seems to proceed from citric acid and genuine chili pepper. (Only the Lord knows what proceeds from “sodium acid pyrophosphate,” which sounds like an additive in fireworks.)

Read More